Book Review
My Feudal lord
BY Sadia Wali
I
found an inner strength to fight for myself. It was clear that nobody else
would.” ― Tehmina Durrani, My Feudal Lord
A
shiver runs down my spine as I begin to read this heart-wrenching story of
Tehmina Durrani- the daughter of former Governor of State Bank of Pakistan and
Managing Director of Pakistan International Airlines, S.U. Durrani and wife of Ghulam
Mustafa Khar. Tehmina stout-heartedly described her abusive and traumatic
marriage to Mustafa Khar. With inner strength and valor, she endured the
hypocritical and tortuous behaviour of
her chauvinist husband.
Ghulam Mustafa Khar renowned politician destroyed lives of Tehmina and
five other innocent women .It was Tehmina who presented to the world the vulnerable
position of women in Pakistani society and how they suffer in silence. The
autobiography as Tehmina says has broken the taboos for women facing uncomplaining
hardships .As I believe we educated women needs to be socially and ethically
aware of our rights. We are living in a male- dominated society where it is not
easy to speak up against men’s atrocious behaviour nor women have any support
to raise their voice against injustice done to them.
Divorce or taking Khula is considered a taboo in our masculine society
and culture. Women are not encouraged to take up such bold initiatives, they
remain subdued and complaint due to social pressures. Women who attempt to
fight up for their rights have to face challenging situations such as feeling
insecure, losing self-confidence, self- identity and self- esteem. As how
Tehmina made seven to eight attempts to get rid of this wild man, Ghulam Mustafa Khar, being a mother of five
children weakened her every time.She continued to suffer painful emotional
turmoil.
As she said, “I knew that I could not leave
him. I had entered into a controversial marriage and I had to strive to keep it
intact.” He promised to be good husband. I grasp desperately at these signs of
his approval. My goal was to keep him in his mood.”
Women who have read the autobiography opined
that it was the wrong decision of Tehmina to leave her first husband Anees and
marry Mustafa who attracted her with his glamorous political affluences. But my
opinion is slightly different; I personally believe that women have social,
legal and religious rights to choose the partner she likes whether it is her
first marriage or second marriage. If she is unhappy and unsatisfied, she has
every right to opt for better decision in life. If men can opt for four
marriages why not women? Second thing women want a loving compatible life
partner, they do not want to live a life with a barbarian. The brutish attitude
of men is never condemned by society and families. Women take the risk of
trusting a man who betrays her soul by his foul play, unethical behavior,
language and manipulative acts of love-making, thinking women as ‘sexual object’.
Tehmina ‘s tormenting story portrays the story of an ordinary woman who yearns to live a perfect respectable marriage life.
Mustafa was portrayed as a mentally sick person, he physically and
sexually assaulted Tehamina many times.She became pregnant due to his violent physical behaviour. As she declared herself as
‘Sexual object.”
I would like to quote some horrifying physical assaults of Mustafa.
Tehmina accompanied her mother to a
dinner, she was ordered by Mustafa to reach home by 10.30 pm. As she got late,
she had to suffer terrible consequences. She was locked in a tortuous chamber,
he tore her sari to shreds and beat her savagely. When she became pregnant the first time, she
faced the worst fury of Khar.As Tehmina
related, “He hit me on my face, he clutched at me and pulled me from the bed.
He threw me to the floor. My forehead crashed against the corner of the bedside
table and I screamed in horror as blood gushed into my eye.”
After facing continuous physical assaults, Tehmina understood the dual
personality of Mustafa. He manipulated her by being violent and then displaying
civility by showing compassion and forgiveness.
The latter part of the book focused on Mustafa’s exile and Tehmina with
her strength of character coped with all the political challenges, personal and
social relationships. During exile, Mustafa developed good relations with
Tehmina’s family. However, Tehmina suspected Mustafa and her youngest sister
Adila developed illicit relations. This emotional agony developed hysteria. Tehmina
also tried to commit suicide by taking tranquillizers. According to her, “The constant
making and breaking had taken its toll
on me. The cracks could not be papered over with words.”
The best part of the book I like when Tehmina
gained spiritual strength to transform herself from a subdued house wife to a strong
woman. Instead of remaining a silent spectator she became reactive. Once
Mustafa in anger snapped a jug from bathroom and tried to hit her head . Instantaneously,
she slammed the door and locked him inside.She strongly spoke, “If you can only understand once and for all
that Iam not here to take your nonsense,
I’ll let you out.”
Another incident I would liketo quote is Tehmina was working in kitchen
when Mustafa insisted to go out. As he said I’ll break every bone in your body,
the very next moment Tehmina grabbed the pot from the stove and threw at him.
She ferociously screamed, “I know there
is a sick insane animal outside. Do you really expect me to come out and hand
myself over.”
Despite gaining spiritual strength, the decision of taking divorce from
Mustafa was a hard decision. Once she made effort to leave Mustafa and lived in
a hotel arranged by her brother Asim. But Mustafa tricked her by asking
permission to meet children and kidnapped them. Children were sent to Pakistan,
they lived with Mustafa’s family in the village of Kot Addu. By kidnapping
children, Mustafa tried to blackmail Tehmina to come back to him. Facing
continuous threats from Mustafa and unsupportive attitude of her family, Tehmina
was compelled to go back to Mustafa.
Her goal was to win her children. She had
no emotional attachment with Mustafa, yet she played a pivotal role in
political campaigns for Mustafa. She also made efforts to release him from
exile. She was declared as ‘Lioness’ by party members, the woman who fought a
rentless and successful battle to free her husband.
The last part of the book explicates the real struggle of Tehmina after
breaking up from Mustafa. In her words, “I
pleaded that I did not have strength to cope with further betrayal, abuse and
begged for mercy. “There was no end to her tears; finally she decided to
take’ Khula’. Once she told Mustafa, “You stripped me of everything. But from today,
you can never say that Tehmina is your wife. You lost me in the bargain.”
After Khula Tehmina felt as “A
great burden lifted from my shoulders. I was no longer Tehmina Khar.”
She was freed from Mustafa’s tyranny. However, social pressures and
emotional insecurity kept her low- spirited and despondent. The identity of
Mrs. Mustafa Khar no longer exists, her friends and social groups to whom she
was associated declined to help her. “I
have to start a new.” Was there a new Tehmina Durrani inside me, older and
sadder but also wiser.” She pondered. Being single, divorce or widow, a
Pakistani woman cannot easily survive in a male- dominated society. Tehmina
like other helpless women suffered great ordeals in bringing up her children.
During adversity, her sisters Zarmina and Minoo supported her.
The book is great inspiration for
every woman who is compelled to suffer in silence. The strength and
determination of Tehmina is commendable. Through her bold piece of work, she
aimed at raising awareness in women to speak up for their rights. Ending her book
she writes, “Muslim women must learn to
raise their voices against injustice.It is Jehad to represent the silent
majority who are suffering in silence.”
While reading the heard hearted incidents in the book, I felt inner
strength and firmness. According to my personal view, men need women and women
need men. They should not be abused, maligned and treated with contempt. Their
self- respect and self- esteem is essential to build or break their
personality. It is high time, we women need to stand and ask for our rightful
place in society. We should not need act as silent spectators, we have our own
identity, individuality and value which needs to be recognized. We need to live boldly and build up our
decision power. Trial and error is the road to success. Unless we take risks in
life, we never know which path is better. Trust in Allah He has great plans for
us.
I read beautiful lines in the book, ‘The confident Woman’ by Joyce Meyer
and I quote, “You are a woman! God loves
you, you are equal with men, and you have a destiny. It is high time someone
realizes who you really are!. Value your inner self, your beauty, innocence and
purity. God has given women a special place of honour in society.”
Hence, women need to be unconditionally
loved and respected by society as a whole.
.
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